I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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