My nipple is on Facebook.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
How does it feel to date your dad?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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