literally had 100 drinks last night.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
