Dual....:-)
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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