What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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