yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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