HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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