i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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