the new term for farting is butt boxing.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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