finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
