we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
