I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
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