The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Randomize
