Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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