Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I intend to get homeless drunk
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
