so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
