apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
