it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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