Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I think your dad took our porno
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I have post one night stand depression
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
