He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
