Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
