PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
