So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
where are my eyebrows?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
