Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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