Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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