Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Randomize
