now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
