I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
