I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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