Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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