I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
two words...techno handjob
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
