If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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