You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
