He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
