Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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