highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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