I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
you would pick up someone in the library
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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