Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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