next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
