remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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