I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
