I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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