remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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