We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
