tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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