there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Randomize
