question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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