people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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