Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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