I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
