I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
