Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
