just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
