I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
