i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
