community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
